Wander & Wonder #13 | What in my life is truly worthy of my efficiency and discipline?

We don’t burn out because we are doing things wrong. We burn out because we are doing them very right… for a life that isn't ours.

People often talk about the importance of finding answers, but I've realized that the true power lies in asking the right questions. '"Wander & Wonder" is a series about that very journey: from the aimless "wandering" days filled with crossroads and career decisions, to the "wondering" moments—the moments I dared to ask and began seeking answers to my own deepest concerns.

Welcome to the article #13 in the "Wander & Wonder" series. Join me as we reflect on a question that has been echoing in my mind: "What in my life is truly worthy of my efficiency and discipline?" — Jasmine Nguyen

Wander & Wonder #13

On a late afternoon in 2025, Hy and I—a former colleague from Unilever and TikTok—sat down for a catch-up. Our conversation started normally: work, life, the shifts of the past few years.

We are both women in our late 30s (U40s), living in the heart of the city. One is married; the other is single. Different lifestyles, different choices. Yet, a shared feeling crept into our conversation: exhaustion.

It wasn’t the kind of exhaustion that comes from doing too much. It was the kind that comes from not being sure where all the effort is leading. There were moments when, listening to Hy, I silently asked myself: Are we truly living our own lives, or are we just trying so hard to live "correctly"?

Hy suggested we share our perspectives on a common theme to close out 2025 and welcome 2026. At that moment, I proposed: "How can we be more efficient in 2026?" But when I returned home, I realized that by asking that question, I had unconsciously accepted three assumptions:

1. Life is a system that needs to be optimized.

2. I am on the right track, just not fast enough.

3. The problem lies in the how, not the what.

In reality, observing those in the 30–40 age group around me, I see that many aren't burnt out because they are doing things wrong. They are burnt out because they are doing things "very right"… for a life that isn't theirs.

At an age where we are old enough to face the truth, have read enough self-help books, listened to enough positive podcasts, and tried every method—yet still feel empty—perhaps it’s time for a different question. Wander & Wonder #13 revolves around that very shift. This post isn't a tutorial or a list of "hacks." It’s simply a reflection on what I walked through in 2025 and the choices I will carry into 2026.

Reflecting on the context we live in

After years of chasing OKRs, KPIs, and productivity podcasts, I’ve realized that what we lack isn’t skills. It’s a deep connection with ourselves in a world that is becoming increasingly unrecognizable. 2026 is no longer a distant future. It is a reality where:

• Technology (AI) is redefining the concept of "work."

• Urban concrete cages are swallowing human connection.

• "Cheap" Dopamine is eroding our ability to focus.

To talk about efficiency in this context, we must look at both the macro and micro levels before we speak of action.

1️⃣ Urban Life & "Packaged" Emptiness

As a member of the 8x generation (Millennials), I was fortunate to live through a transition. I knew what it was like to wait for a TV show at a fixed hour, the scent of ink on handwritten letters, and the crackle of the radio before the internet era. Back then, "emptiness" was rare. Not because life was easier, but because time was filled with watching clouds or having raw, real conversations.

Now, we live in an era where loneliness is packaged and sold as a luxury. Most of modern life happens indoors, between concrete blocks and screens. In megacities of millions, many feel like an isolated oasis. Consumer society needs you to feel "lacking" so you keep buying. It needs you to feel lonely so you keep scrolling.

This emptiness isn't entirely your fault. It is a biological response to being deprived of natural light and genuine human connection.

=> Reflection for 2026: Efficiency is not about earning more to fill an apartment with soulless objects. Efficiency is recognizing what your real needs are. When you stop chasing consumer illusions, you'll find you suddenly have much more time to... breathe.

2️⃣ Marriage, Singlehood, & the Pressure to "Live Right"

In your 30s and 40s, pressure doesn't stop at the office door. It seeps into every meal, every silence. Have you ever sat across from your partner after a long day, both silent, scrolling through phones? Not because you have nothing to say, but because you are too exhausted to "touch" each other one more time.

• For the married: We unconsciously bring an "optimization" mindset into affection. Children become investment risks, partners become household operations managers, and conflict arises when the "emotional profit" doesn't meet expectations.

• For the single: Freedom sometimes turns into a burden of proof. You feel you must be more efficient, more successful, and more "adventurous" just to prove your choice was correct.

=> Reflection for 2026: Efficiency in marriage isn't about forcing perfection. Sometimes, efficiency is just putting the phone down, pouring a warm glass of water for the other, and truly being present. Choosing to stay together, choosing to raise a child, is a deeply human act of defiance in a drying world.

3️⃣ Work, AI, & Identity

A young friend once asked me: "Who am I if I don't have a corporate title?" That question made me realize how many of us anchor our entire identity to our jobs, forgetting that life is much larger than a designation. AI can replace many tasks, but it only replaces the "intellectual muscle," not:

• The ability to feel.

• Empathy.

• Human depth.

=> Reflection for 2026: AI is only replacing the muscle of the mind. True efficiency in 2026 lies in "Flow" and empathy. Don't try to run faster than the machine; learn to be more "human" than the machine. An algorithm can analyze data, but it cannot feel the joy of a customer who feels deeply understood.

4️⃣ Discipline, Focus, & Inner Stillness

Our ability to focus is being eroded daily. I realized this not through research, but through the feeling of sitting down and not knowing where to start. And I understood one thing: discipline is not punishment.

Discipline is when you love yourself enough to say "no" to things that drain your long-term energy.

Every time you say "no" to the world, you accept the feeling of being slow, of missing out, or being misunderstood. But at this age, inner stillness deserves priority.

🌱 The choices I have made and will continue

There is no grand revolution. Only tiny shifts—enough for the body and mind to find room to breathe. Not to become "superior," but to protect freedom and inner peace.

🌿 Cultivating Inner Stillness

• Stop & Breathe: Huberman has a great concept called the Physiological Sigh: Inhale deeply through the nose, take a second short inhale to fully inflate the lungs, then exhale slowly through the mouth. 1-3 times, and the nervous system cools down. When you catch your thoughts, you begin to control them.

• 30 Minutes Offline: My family has a rule: no phones during dinner and before bed. This is time for real conversation or simply being silent in peace together.

🎨 Working with My Own Rhythm

• Biological Rhythm: I don’t try to work 8 hours straight. I focus deeply for 90 minutes, then allow myself to do absolutely nothing for 15. I set alarms for these breaks. I’ve also shifted from being a night owl (a habit since high school) to waking up earlier. It was incredibly difficult, but when my body spoke through age-related immune shifts, I knew I had no choice. The discomfort of change is necessary for health.

• Accepting Imperfection: Efficiency is knowing when to stop. A slightly messy house is okay, as long as laughter is present. Accept that no one is perfect. Accept imperfection as a part of real life.

🤝 Meaningful Connections

• Quality over Quantity: The Harvard Study (Waldinger & Schulz, 2023) confirms that quality relationships are the key to happiness. With limited time, I invest in 3–5 real people rather than 1,000 virtual friends. And the first person you need a deep connection with is yourself.

🌿 Conscious Consumption

• The "Why" of Buying: Before swiping, ask: "Does this make me happy, or just make my house more crowded?" Money is a different form of the time we’ve traded away—and time is finite. Home-cooked meals with clean ingredients are worth more than trendy luxury restaurants. Sleep, exercise, and quality time are the best "skincare" money can't buy.

A very small promise for 2026

The world may still be loud. It may still push us to be faster, better, more. But perhaps, true efficiency doesn't lie in how fast you run, but in whether you are still enough to feel a slow morning.

So, if there is a promise for 2026, I choose a very small one:

I will be disciplined—not to become more outstanding, but to protect my freedom and the peace within.

How about you? What in your life is truly worthy of your discipline and efficiency?

With love,

Jasmine Nguyen